Perfectionism: Where it Comes From & How to Overcome It
Scroll your newsfeed, and you will find no shortage of inspirational quotes and motivational memes. These messages might be effectively summed up as an appeal to raise one’s standards. But hey, that’s how excellence happens, right? What could possibly be wrong with expecting the best from yourself? Short answer: Perfectionism.
Many folks tend to set virtually unattainable standards. This can make it unbearable to ever make a mistake or display even a minor imperfection. An impossible quest for perfection sets you up for a life of anxiety, stress, and shame. Therefore, it is critical that you’re able to recognize the signs of perfectionism.
Common Signs of Perfectionism
Everyone should have their own standards. So this is not about setting universal guidelines. But it is about evaluating how your personal standards make you feel. Do they inspire you, or are you mired in emotions like anxiety, anger, frustration, and guilt? To get started in analyzing your standards, here are some forms of perfectionist thinking to watch for:
Making meticulous to-do lists that include even mundane tasks like tooth-brushing
Fear of embarrassment, e.g., making a mistake in front of people and being unable to live it down
Putting off tasks and/or being unwilling to try new things in order to avoid not being good at something
Indecisiveness, agonizing over minor details
Spending far too much time on tasks and doing them over if you deem them to be imperfect
Of course, this is just a sampling. Red flags could arise as variations on these themes, but the general premise holds. Monitor your choices, your behavior, and your motivations. If perfectionism appears to be playing a role, it’s time to learn ways to overcome it.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
Practice Gratitude
When working on a project, shift your focus to being grateful for all that went well. Rather than berating yourself for perceived errors, make a list of what makes you happy about the outcome. This allows you to normalize making a mistake or two. You may even start to recognize them as the lessons they are.
Set Reasonable Goals
Consciously lower your standards! This is not a surrender. It’s a self-loving choice founded in reality. You will be so much happier with your output if your goals match your capabilities. You will procrastinate less and feel far less self-imposed pressure.
Be Open to Constructive Criticism
A perfectionist hears anything short of a rave review as a dreadful condemnation. It is very helpful to understand that others aren’t looking to humiliate you. Plus, their input can turn out to be incredibly helpful in whatever work you’re doing.
Take Tech Breaks
Being online all the time can set up unrealistic expectations. Social media, for example, is often a collection of tightly curated images. You can end up feeling inadequate in comparison. Cut out these counterproductive influences by powering down your devices and allowing yourself room to identify your own perceptions.
Choose Meaningfulness and Purpose
You don’t have to use perfection as your incentive. Seek to find meaning and purpose in what you do. This shifts the focus from being “perfect.” You can enjoy your efforts much more when you perform them as an expression of who you are.
Perfectionism Can Be Addressed and Managed
Being a perfectionist is not considered a disorder. However, it is closely liked to anxiety and may respond to some of the approaches used to manage anxiety. If perfectionism is negatively impacting your life, the best place to start is by reaching out to a therapist. You can safely explore the underlying causes in that setting while trying out new behavior patterns. Let’s connect and talk more about this.
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